So sorry!

 

"I apologize" and "I'm sorry" tend to be used interchangeably, but there is a difference. An apology signifies the taking of responsibility and ownership of an error. "I'm sorry" expresses the feelings attached to a situation that is beyond one's control such as the death of a pet or other unfortunate event.

Living each day with a chronic condition presents many opportunities to either apologize or express sorrow to oneself or other people for: low energy levels, unexplained pain, constant body adjustments, frustratingly difficult brain fog, embarrassingly challenging word-finding issues, additional medical bills, inconvenient appointments, broken household items, constant research, ongoing discussion about the illness, more frequent stops while traveling, and on and on and on.

People don't want to hear the "I'm sorry." They reject it as unnecessary and I think that rings true at least for me. In general, I believe that I am surrounded by kind, compassionate people who simply want me to do what it takes to live life comfortably.

But when I hear myself say it, when I hear those words, "I'm sorry" usually whispered under my breath as I take an extra two or three seconds to do something, I sense that the words are actually for me. The short phrase fills the awkward silence that the pain of the struggle creates. I try to hide my embarrassment in plain sight. 

I am sorry. I do feel sorry to need extra time or assistance. It can be an inconvenience to walk more slowly in shared spaces or move more carefully on uneven surfaces. 

But let's talk about the other cases of "I'm sorry." 

Should we say it to the receptionist who is accommodating an appointment request? No. That's her job to accommodate schedule requests. It's okay to say, "Please" and "Thank you."

Should I say it to the technician drawing my blood because my veins roll? No. That's his job to deal with rolling veins.

What about "I'm sorry" for needing a restroom break after sitting in the waiting room for 40 minutes beyond the appointment time? No. Niceties are fine, but not a sorry.

Maybe it is a natural maturation process in context of a chronic condition to become more comfortable with self-advocacy. 

But maybe it isn't. 

We don't have to be rude, but we do have to stop saying, "So sorry!"